


Your Warmth, I Felt

by morphogenesis



Category: Zero Escape (Video Games)
Genre: Coping, Medicinal Drug Use, Multi, Nightmares, Psychological Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-20
Updated: 2019-08-20
Packaged: 2020-09-19 15:00:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20330017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morphogenesis/pseuds/morphogenesis
Summary: Carlos thinks he’s pretty good at acting normal after a nightmare, save the incident from the other night, but the next night it happens again. When he comes back from using the bathroom they’re both awake and pull him back down, bracketing him on either side. Junpei likes to play with hair and it’s soothing; Akane breathes softly across his collarbones.





	Your Warmth, I Felt

**Author's Note:**

  * For [crashkeys (keycrash)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/keycrash/gifts).

> This was super fun so thank you, Snow! The request was “C-Team OT3, trauma, and dumb science.” (In return I give you philosophies of time.) Mentions of psychiatric treatment below.
> 
> Relevant song lyrics because me: "I was locked in my head / But you stayed here and dried my tears on your sleeve and said: / 'If it does not get better, at least we’ll be together.'" -- "It Does Not Get Better (Reprise)" by Jordaan Mason. Also the title source.

The bathroom is too busy in the mornings. Junpei has traded sleeping in the shower for full baths in the morning and insists it affects his nebulous “process” to start the day any other way. 

He grumbles when Akane sits on the ledge of the tub in her pajamas and brushes her teeth while talking to him about breakfast and plans for the day. They like to watch Carlos shave.

“Are we going to talk about last night?” Carlos asks the mirror, and suddenly the room is quiet save the running water and Junpei’s lazy splashing.

“Do we have to?” Junpei says. Junpei always tries to give Carlos an out when it comes to uncomfortable subjects but there’s no ignoring that last night Carlos woke up hyperventilating and, seeing their alarm, realized there was something important he hadn’t told them.

Akane doesn’t volunteer anything. “Are you going to talk about it?” she aims back at Carlos.

Carlos loses his nerve and drops the subject.

*

“It’s only our physical selves that die; our minds exist outside of time,” Akane says and Carlos doesn’t even look up from flipping bacon; it’s another Tuesday for her.

“I see,” he says, accommodating and wordlessly inviting her to continue.

“Well, according to Dunne they do. His theory of Serialism states that there exists an infinite regress of time dimensions, so our consciousnesses are immortal.” She is so cute when she’s in her element with fringe science and theories. Her hair is coming out of her claw clip and he touches it absently. “What I mean is you’ll transcend whatever you’re afraid of. It’s okay.” 

“What do you really mean, Akane?”

Normally she’s chatty but right now she kisses his cheek then slips out of his grasp, off to bother Junpei.

*

Carlos has intense nightmares, although Trazodone at bedtime has cut down on them significantly. They’re flashbacks to the night his parents died; the fears he won’t save Maria, a bystander, his fire partner, or Junpei and Akane. He’s trained himself to sleep around the disturbances and he doesn’t like to talk about it.

Carlos thinks he’s pretty good at acting normal after a nightmare, save the incident from the other night, but the next night it happens again. When he comes back from using the bathroom they’re both awake and pull him back down, bracketing him on either side. Junpei likes to play with hair and it’s soothing; Akane breathes softly across his collarbones.

*

“Stop worrying—for all we know, only the present is real,” is Junpei’s helpful advice. It turns out he’s talking about Presentism. Carlos has not had his morning coffee and wishes they would let him do that at least once before laying on the philosophy. “I mean whatever is on your mind isn’t set in stone, it can be avoided.”

“What if I have to SHIFT to another history to do it? I don’t want to leave everyone behind anymore.”

Junpei takes a bite of breakfast casserole and doesn’t answer. Carlos knows it crosses his mind enough too.

*

Carlos ruins their birthdays by going for a run, getting startled by a passing car swerving into the shoulder, and falling. He sprains his knee and he and Junpei get to sit in the ER while Akane is across the country with her brother.

When Akane gets home she frets about the lack of vegetables in the house and the raised threshold of the entryway; Junpei tells her to relax and she snaps at him and then they both look at Carlos to say not to interfere. 

Carlos knows they have to be mad just for the sake of venting their frustration and worry that he’s hurt, and he considers his knee brace. “Fuck.”

It’s not a fun first week in the house. Carlos is a miserable patient to the point where Maria, hospital veteran, rolls her eyes when she finds him limping without his crutches, grabs his arm, and points him back to the couch. He sleeps on the couch because getting in and out of the King bed is hard and the poor sleep invites his nightmares back.

He has an abrupt dream that he’s holding one of his partners only to realize he was too late and they’re gone. He wakes up with a sore throat and tight jaw. He sits in the dark until Junpei wanders in to watch early morning TV and lets Carlos rest his head in Junpei’s lap.

*

There’s an unspoken understanding that Akane and Junpei can be terse with Carlos and he won’t take it personally because he understands why they are the way they are even if he doesn’t always understand how they got there. They’re all adults and long-established in their relationship but Carlos can tell they don’t know how to feel about him fussing back at them.

He crosses his arms at Akane, who is refusing to leave him alone about not skipping physical therapy again. “I’m going to get back on my feet, okay? There’s nothing I can do at PT that I can’t do at home, so just let me—”

“No!” Akane says; Junpei pokes his head in to watch. “You can’t give up.”

“I didn’t say I’m giving up, I know what I need to do.”

“Junpei, talk to him!”

“He’s a grown man, Akane, there's nothing I can do here.”

“See? Junpei knows I’ve got this.” He’s never truly argued with Akane, they were amicable from the start (and looking back Carlos can’t believe he didn’t know he was flirting with her). He enjoys her level head, stubbornness, and kindness.

He doesn’t appreciate that stubbornness when it’s directed at him.

“I just want you to take care of yourself.”

“I am!”

Akane’s bites her bottom lip before saying, “No, I meant I want you to let us take care of you.”

He doesn’t know how to explain he has no idea how to let anybody take care of him. Love him, absolutely (thanks to them and Maria), but he’s never wanted a caretaker. Akane considers him and Junpei looks back and forth between them and Carlos sighs because he really, really disappointed them didn’t he?

*

Junpei and Akane have a few recurring conversations they’ve asked Carlos to stay out of. There are “Junpei and Akane Problems” and there are “C-Team Problems” and Carlos trusts they can figure their problems out because they love each other. (He figured out how to share a living space and a life after the prospect of eternal bachelorhood because he loves them. He learned how to look the other way from their morally dubious actions because he loves them.) 

He can tell when they’re having one of those conversations because it’s always in Japanese and to their best efforts usually out of the room he’s in. They’re talking right now but Carlos knows he’s the problem as he’s heard his name several times now. “I know you’re talking about me,” he tries to joke but he just sounds tired.

They come out looking guilty as cats caught scratching up the couch. They’re moving with uncharacteristic hesitation and he pats a space on the couch beside him to say it’s okay. 

Carlos starts to say he was kidding when they sit on either side of him. Akane curls up and Junpei puts his arm over his shoulders. 

“What’s that face for? I never get out of these lectures.” Junpei teases.

“Isn’t there anything we can do for you?” Akane says.

Carlos nods. “Yes, you’re already—”

“No, I mean… I’m tired of bringing you jello and aspirin like that’s enough.” Akane touches his earlobe and trails her hand down his neck. “What’s really wrong?”

Junpei runs his foot over Carlos’. “We know you get up every single night, y’know. The bed isn’t that big.”

Carlos is trapped between two keen people who care too much to leave him alone with his problems. “I hate being sick.” He looks up at the ceiling to avoid their scrutiny. “I have to protect the people I love, not the other way around.” After they urge him he talks about the nightmares and how he’s had them for years but they aren’t a big deal, honest. “I know you two are fine by yourselves, but is it so bad that I want to take care of you? I owe you a lot.”

Akane pinches his cheek hard and he grunts, turning his head away only to find Junpei going to pinch his other cheek. “You’re not listening,” Akane says. “We don’t want Carlos the superhero firefighter. We want Carlos.” She pinches him again despite his protest. “And we want to pay him back for what he’s done for us, too.”

Rather than talking Junpei pats Carlos’ cheek then rests his head on Carlos’ shoulder.

“Just tell us what to do,” Akane says, and the weight of her words bears down on him for the rest of the day.

*

To their credit they drop the subject. In exchange Carlos goes to PT, he doesn’t complain, he eats Akane’s cooking. In the end the best thing they do during his recovery is to get him back on his feet, literally, and support his decision to go back to work early. They soothe his ego and fears when going back to work isn’t as easy as he thought it would be.

They do the best thing they can do; they put in the work of loving him.

It’s the end of August and Carlos runs every day again, though he sticks to the sidewalk. He can work again and do what he loves most: help people.

The nights are still rough, but he always wakes up to reminders that he’s okay, they’re okay.

*

They express their affection differently: 

Junpei says, “Took you long enough to see we—ow, stop,” and bats at Carlos’ arm when Carlos pinches his cheek. 

“Take your time,” Akane mumbles into his neck as she’s falling asleep on him. “Get some…” and she’s snoring before she finishes the sentence.

Carlos wakes them up with one of his nightmare fits and all he says is, “It’s a bad night,” before hugging the nearest person and relaxing as the other puts a hand on his head.


End file.
